Recap, and Looking Forward

So I finally feel like a big-firm associate. I don't think I experienced it even when, earlier on in my career, I was being yelled at regularly by a stressed partner angry at the world and viewing me as his personal scapegoat. But these past two weeks, when I have camped out in conference war rooms late nights, weekends, early mornings, and everything in between, I feel I have been baptized. Initiated. Entered into associateship. And for all the fatigue, overall I feel pretty good.

Though, as all big-firm associates living the stereotype of associateship, I have not had the luxury to blog for a while. Much has happened this past month, much of it strangely and surprisingly revolving around a bookclub I helped start. I had a lot of aspirations for the bookclub, though I don't think I ever expressed them - to others, or to myself. Somehow, the bookclub has become what I have always wanted. It has become a collaborative exploration of critical gender matters in Islam. And it happened so effortlessly.

The Living Islam Out Loud meeting, where we had the pleasure of having the author/editor of the book, Saleemah Abdul-Ghafur, join us for the meeting, definitely created momentum and potential. The guest appearance attracted a larger group and brought in women who have struggled, negotiated, contemplated, and learned to articulate that struggle and negotiation. The experience was almost out-of-body when I heard women in that room describe battles that were hauntingly similar to my own. As if that battle had just metamorphosed and gained meaning. As my Spirals entry suggests, our present somehow makes the past make so much more sense. Events seem to fall into place, weave into each other, and things previously perplexing become eerily, but fantastically, coherent.

And now, I find myself a critical part of a vibrant group of kick-ass women (to take the phrase from Saleemah). It's so refreshing. An intimate group traveling the path together. And, hopefully, a source of comfort for when, and if, I stop enjoying my time in the conference room, feeling and being an associate.